change of plans

Finally fall! After a rough summer we have been anxiously awaiting fall. We have been looking forward to another season down and getting closer to the half-way point which thankfully came and went. I feel like we have been moving along on cruise control this month. Until today. Braden had a routine eye exam last week and unfortunately they found spots on Braden's eyes caused by poor circulation and small hemorrhages. They are certain this is caused by the interferon. Dr. Reddy and Braden discussed this on the phone today and treatment has been put on hold for now. We meet with Dr. Reddy in a couple weeks to discuss everything in more detail, but as of now, the risk of more damage to Braden's eyes is too great to continue. Braden will have his eyes rechecked in 8 weeks to see if the spots are improving. Although they can't guarantee this won't cause permanent damage, they feel his eyes will eventually heal. I have so many different emotions. Obviously, Braden needs this treatment and it is a little disheartening feeling like we are no longer going to be "doing anything" to prevent a recurrence of this ugly disease. Dr. Reddy was very reassuring that from a melanoma standpoint the MOST important part of treatment was the first 4 weeks of high dose treatment. He is very happy Braden has made it 6 months on this rough stuff. So for now we just wait...and pray. 

Tonight I was laying with Brynn and I was thinking about the fear in my head. It occurred to me that although Braden is taking time off from treatment, we are still doing the MOST important thing we can be doing for Braden...PRAYING. It is far more powerful than any medication a doctor can give. Today I opened up my Jesus Calling book to a devotion I frequently go back to. I first read this a couple days after Braden was diagnosed and it has brought me so much comfort.

"My face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face to face with Me, your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad of problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sink, simply call out "Help me, Jesus!" and I will lift you up. 

 

The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me, the One who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future. Stay close to me."  

 

 

We are planning on making the most of this little break and enjoying this season! I have been begging God to hurry this year along, but Braden and I have so much to enjoy despite these circumstances. God is carrying my burdens. How awesome is that? I will continually give it over to him.