one day at a time

First week of treatment complete! Just wanted to give a little update. Braden had the PICC line placed Monday morning and we have spent our afternoons this past week hanging out at the cancer center getting his infusions. His first set of intense symptoms set in Tuesday evening with high fever, chills, body aches and pounding headaches. After a couple nights of that we have started learning how to ward it off before it happens, or his body is just getting more tolerant of the drug. Overall he just feels really tired and achy with no appetite. I know he is really tired of hearing me tell him he has to eat. Friday his white count dropped really low so we are staying tucked in at home this weekend trying to avoid as many germs as possible. Hopefully this weekend break will allow his body to recover a bit before he starts in again tomorrow.

Overall we are doing really well. Some days this whole process doesn't seem real and it is easy for me to focus on the future and what our life might be like a couple years from now. Other days it hits me like a freight train... On Monday it was when the Victory in the Valley volunteer gave my 32 year old husband who was sitting in the treatment room a teddy bear and welcomed him to the cancer center. I struggled to hold it back as I sat there and watched the nurse hook up his IV and thought about how this just wasn't suppose to be happening. The old man sitting next to us said, "I sure hate seeing you young kids in here." That was a moment I can't get out of my head. I have been taking care of cancer patients for awhile now, but never in a million years did I think it would be my husband looking so vulnerable and maybe a little afraid sitting in that chair. Never would I have imagined we would be facing a year of cancer treatment that would shake up our life and our plans. Never did I imagine our lives would be changed to this magnitude. I never thought I would be trying to explain to my little Brynn why Daddy doesn't feel good. (Isn't medicine suppose to make you feel better?) Never did I think that we would have to worry about scans and tests for years to come to make sure the melanoma hasn't returned. And every little ache or pain he has from now on will make us wonder and question. As I sat there trying to hold it together I tried to remind myself that this is only a small moment in our lives. My mom recently told me that "worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace." We have chosen to walk by faith and live in the present. We know that God is far more powerful than this disease. Someone recently asked Braden how he was dealing with all of this and his response was pretty simple... "God." Later that evening we had a conversation about how lost we would be right now without our faith. And a special person sent me a message just today and said "Keep the faith my friend. Just a mustard seed will do!" I recently read that God empowers you to live beyond your own strength. God's strength is limitless. We are learning that every day. One day at a time.